Monday, July 14, 2014

Getting the crazy out of your life


I promise to blog about my trip to Seattle soon... but first, I just wanted to briefly talk about a friend that I have recently parted ways with after almost 10 years.

I titled my post "Getting the crazy out of your life", because that's exactly what I did.

Well, my former friend isn't exactly crazy... but she does have a serious drinking problem.

And it's sad. She's actually a very pretty, smart, kind and friendly person. At least when she's sober.

However, when she drinks and gets drunk, she turns into a MONSTER. And I don't use that word lightly.

I have tons and tons of stories that I could post on this site about her crazy drunken behavior. It's pretty sad. And the stories are a bit outlandish... but I guess they would be if you had a drinking problem. Drunk people do all kinds of crazy, weird things when they are inebriated. Inhibitions are lowered, tempers flare and people are out of control... if you've ever been insanely drunk before, you know the deal.

Anyways, this person and I were supposed to go on the trip I took to Seattle together, but instead of showing up, my former friend got drunk and blamed me for why she didn't come. We had been planning this trip for 6 months. I literally talked to her the day before we were supposed to go on the trip and everything was fine... we were friends, we were getting along... we were planning things... everything was cool.

Or so I thought.

And then... she just decided to not show up. And blamed it all on me (there's a whole backstory there... it would be too complicated and sad to write about... but I can assure you, I was NOT in the wrong).

One of the biggest problems with alcoholics (and drug addicts) is that they blame EVERYONE else for their problems. Nothing is ever their fault. They can cuss you out, throw things at you, and break down and scream and yell at you and tell you that "you don't understand what I'm going through" and still blame you for everything. It's your fault that they are sad. It's your fault b/c you don't understand them. It's your fault b/c no one likes them. And it's your fault for not being able to support them... even though they are miserable and refuse to seek help.

Since this all just recently happened, I am still very upset at the turn of events that have transpired. I inadvertently took my first ever vacation alone thanks to my former friend. It was a little weird and unsettling, but I was ok. I mean, I live alone, I take care of myself and support myself... so vacationing alone wasn't too big of a deal. And I met some nice people while I was out and about in Seattle. So I wasn't too lonely.

I can tell you this - I will probably never befriend anyone who has a drinking/drug/serious mental health problem in the future. It's too much of a burden to deal with. People who are afflicted with these issues do have my sympathy... and my former friend has a long road to recovery. Part of me is worried that she won't make it. But it's out of my hands now.

I'm too angry at this point in time to wish her luck... but I will wish her family luck in dealing with her addiction. It's the families of the addicts who really suffer in this whole ordeal. It's really difficult to love and support an addict when they are in the throes of addiction. Honestly, I don't know how families of addicts survive until the end. It must take a lot of effort and energy on their part. So her family has my sympathy. Good luck to them.

Anyways... I'll blog about my trip in the next week or so. But I do want to say that it's a relief not having to worry about my former friend any longer. I'm sad over all of the nasty, delusional things she has written to me through emails and texts in the last week, but I'm glad that nightmare of a friendship is now over.

Monday, June 30, 2014

LOL of the day


Check out this video of Dave Chappelle as "Black Bush" from his show back in 2003... too damn funny.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

My trip to ATL

I meant to post about my trip to Atlanta a week ago... but I've been having a very lazy past two weeks. I've been falling asleep at random times in the afternoon, only to wake up at 12 or 1am, then continue to stay up until 5 or 6am, and then fall back asleep and then in turn go into work late.

Hopefully, today is the last day this will all happen for me. I'm tired of sleeping all of the time.

Anyhoo... back to my weekend in Atlanta... so! My friend Jeannine picked me up from a very busy airport on Friday, May 23 in the afternoon. I swear, everyone must have made ATL their destination of choice that weekend. I've never seen that many people in an airport in my life. Ever.

After she picked me up, we had a little girl time at the mall before she picked up her kids, and then we all went out with them, her husband Marcus and some friends for a chicken wing dinner. It was good. I love wings.

Later on in the evening, everyone came back to Marcus and Jeannine's house for some drinks and Pictionary. Interestingly enough, Marcus had his own way of playing Pictionary. I called it "dysfunctional Pictionary". The rules for this game were quite different. It involved making up stories about popular movie and TV characters and having them do outlandish things to each other, things I can't even write on this blog, because it will make me blush. The game turned out to be fun, but I can tell you that I was embarrassed for most of the game. Here's a picture of the action posted below:
     

Um... yeah. This pic involved Freddy Krueger, Jason and Pinhead scaring someone, something to do with stealing a Leprachaun's gold and a bird crapping on it in the end. I kid you not.

On to the next day... the Smith family and I then headed out to Leesburg, GA to visit Marcus' parents on Saturday morning. They live on 30 acres of land, basically out in the middle of nowhere. It was very peaceful, however, but I'm from the city. I'm used to seeing my neighbors, walking around my neighborhood with them and hearing their street noise. Being in the country around nothing but trees, farmland and silence was weird, but when I closed my eyes and took a few breaths, the peacefulness was nice.


Above is a shot of Marcus' parents' house. It reminded me of all of those colorful homes one usually sees in the country. Their house was really big and beautiful, and it was really nice of them to let me stay here. Below is a pic of their backyard that I took from the room over their garage that I got to stay in:


Lots of land back here. And they had a lake. And jungle gyms for the kids. And SNAKES!

Now, I didn't see a snake, but at one point in time I was told that I had to keep an eye for them and if I was coming down from the garage to the house at night, that I had to make noise as I was walking towards it keep the snakes away. Or, I had to yell out "I'm coming, snakes!" so that the vibrating sound of my voice would scare them away. WTF. And just so everyone knows... I am not talking about little baby garter snakes running around the Smith compound here. I'm talking rattlesnakes and water moccasins running around the compound!

WTF!

In addition to their being snakes, it was SO EFFING HOT outside I thought that I was going to DIE. We stayed in Leesburg for 2 1/2 days (Saturday through Monday morning)... and it was 90 degrees outside the whole time. My hair, got fried. I felt bloated and hot the whole time, and I had a permanent frown on my face every time I stepped outdoors during peak hours. 

Sidebar: I literally told Jeannine when she dropped me off at the MARTA station on Monday afternoon that the next time I came to visit her, it would be in the fall. F*** Atlanta in the summer time!

The best part of my trip was when I got to shoot some GUNS on Sunday evening. That's right, guns. I shot 8 different guns. Jeannine's brother in law, Mitch, is a bit of a gun enthusiast. I swear, every time he handed me a new gun, he had a smile on his face. It was quite funny.

Now, I hadn't shot a gun in about 10 years. I wasn't scared, but I was little nervous, especially since the first gun I shot was a 300 Blackout, which is basically a semi-automatic rifle (I was hoping to warm up on a handgun... but no such luck). It was huge! And heavy. When I shot the gun, the recoil was so hard core that when fired, it felt like my system got a quick jolt of electricity. It was a bit overwhelming, but I kept it together. I shot this gun from about 2 or 300 yards away, and I swear, I didn't hit the target once. Sad, but true. But I had fun.

It was on to the next gun after that, which was an AK-47. I've only seen these things in action in the movies. They are pretty cool up close. Scary, but cool. And again, after I fired it a few times, I'm pretty sure I didn't hit the target. But I can tell you that the tree behind it got messed up!

I'm just going to list the guns I shot instead of going through my experience with each one. Here it goes....
  • 300 Blackout
  • AK-47
  • A 223 sniper rifle (with a bi-pod and scope)
  • A double barrel shotgun (talk about a kick)
  • A pump action shotgun with a laser sight on it (it was green!)
  • 45 Colt (a revolver from the Old West)
  • 357 Magnum
  • Springfield 1911
 Here's a pic of all my shells. And two of the bullets.


Shooting guns was fun. Not that I would ever own a gun or anything, but it was fun. And not to mention, when one fires a shotgun, the kick on them can be so hard core (like with a pump action shotgun), that it can leave a bruise. Like this:


Yeah. Sometimes guns can hurt. My bruise is gone now, but because I had such a good experience shooting the shotgun, I didn't mind it so much. I also didn't mind the fact that I got eaten alive by mosquitos during my gun adventure. The mosquito bites I received were so bad that it took a week and a half for my legs to stop itching. Not cool.

So that was my trip. I came home Monday evening, exhausted and sweaty, but happy that I was able to get out of VA and go on a short vacay. Next up on my summer travels is Seattle, which I travel to on July 2. As long as it's not hot as hell out on the west coast, I should have a good time. 

Can't wait to hit up the Space Needle!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Why my being single isn't your problem


Last night was an interesting night for me. I'm not going to go into to many details about what happened, but basically, I had a meltdown of sorts. Mostly about the things that are going on in my life. It's a bit of story, and since the story is pretty long and because I don't feel like writing it all out, I'll just talk about one of the issues that caused me to get upset.

Here it is - I don't like being single.

Yeah, I said it. I don't like being single. 

I've always been a person who has wanted to be in a relationship, however. I've often dreamed about finding true love and spending the rest of my life with that one person - forever (ultimately, I long for commitment). And who hasn't? I believe that the majority of people in this world want the same thing. Oddly enough, I know of at least 2 people who don't want that at all (they just want to be single), but that's a different story for a different day.

So yes... I dream about falling love with "the one" and being happy. Yet I am single. And here's where it gets puzzling - falling in love is something that I really want, yet... I am currently doing nothing to get out there and meet this person (whomever he is).

I know. WTF.

So you ask... how can you want a boyfriend and want to fall madly in love with someone, but not be interested in making the effort in finding that person?

Hmmm. WTF, again, indeed. 

Well, let's start off my explanation with this - I'm a weird person by nature. Actually, one of my co-workers labeled me as "quirky", which I guess is a friendlier word for weird or eccentric, but it's true. Part of my "quirkiness" comes from being an anal retentive, picky, OCD flag flying Virgo. Ha ha ha. I have a lot of little quirks that make up who I am, and some of these quirks extend over to dating. What are my dating quirks, you might ask?

Actually, I just have one really big one - I don't like to date. 

Yes... I don't like to date. I don't like going on dates. Dates to me are a waste of time. Yes, you may get a free meal out of it, but to me, dating is like going out shopping and trying on lots of sweaters until you find one that fits. I get tired of trying on sweaters sometimes. It's exhausting. Especially when the sweaters don't fit properly. Yeesh. So why would I put in the effort into trying on sweaters but not into dating? Because it's against the LAW for me to walk around naked. But however, it's not against the law for me to be single. So there you go. LOL.

Sidebar - if you don't like dating, how do you expect to meet someone? Good question. I prefer to meet men though friends (even though my friends don't have many guy friends) doing friendly stuff, or I would prefer to meet someone kind of by running into them (yet, I don't get out of my apartment too much). And for the record - I don't like or participate in online dating. WTF again, for the third time. So I've literally narrowed my chances down to practically ZERO in meeting someone. Hmmm. I might just be single... until the end of time. Dr. Phil was right... some man would have to throw himself on the hood of my car in order for me to meet him. WTF, forever and ever.

Also, like I mentioned earlier, I am picky. Scratch that - I am VERY picky. I don't like anyone. Most guys I meet I take a look at and shrug my shoulders. Even with the cute ones. For some reason, I'm just not interested. Most people can look at someone, find them casually interesting, and go out on dates with them. Not me. I very rarely have a casual interest in anyone. Either I'm attracted to you or I'm not. I'm kind of an all or nothing person. It's a crappy personality characteristic to have in trying to find a mate, but it is what it is.

And then, here's where more pickiness and more "quirkiness" comes in. I have a very particular type. I usually like guys that are tall and skinny with dark hair and dark eyes. But then again, I've found myself attracted to guys that are short and stocky. It's confusing. Sometimes I'll see my type and not find them attractive. And then other times, I see them, and get really excited. It's weird. I can't explain it. I don't necessarily follow a pattern, even though I have a type. Ugh. Talk about frustrating.

But the biggest reason why I am single? I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE. I've settled in the past, and let me tell you, when I've done that, I've ended up disappointed. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who isn't good enough or right for you. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend it in a relationship with someone who sucks, treats me bad, doesn't like Game of Thrones (lol), has mommy issues, etc. So many people settle, and I swear, they just end up sad and lonely. Some people are afraid to be alone, and when you get involved with someone for that reason, you always end up disappointed and worse off than you were before. I feel sorry for people who do this. Fearing loneliness is no way to live your life.

There are other reasons why I am single as well, but those are the biggest ones. I don't like to date, I'm picky and I don't want to settle. And honestly, I haven't met anyone in the last few years that I've felt was worth dating. Also, as adults get older, it gets harder to meet people. The easiest place to meet someone would be at a bar, where lots of adults spend their time, but since I'd rather DIE than meet someone at a place like that, I'm a bit shit out of luck. Sure, there's other places to meet people, say like the bookstore, or the grocery store, or exercise class, but I live in suburbia. Most of the people who frequent these places are married with children. The city (where most singles dwell) is only 30 minutes away, but there is traffic, and then you have to find a place to park, and then spend money you don't have... ya ya ya. I could make the effort to frequent DC more often, but money and parking can be an issue sometimes.

The hardest thing about being single is not exactly being single itself, but the HOSTILITY I get from people who don't understand or can't accept the fact that I am single. It's frustrating. It's like, everyone thinks that if you aren't in a relationship that there is something wrong with you. "Why don't you want/have a boyfriend? Why don't you like dating? You are a decent looking person? Surely you could find someone? WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?!?!?" 

These questions irritate me more than me being alone!

I wish people would just let me be. Yes, I want to find someone, but I want to find the right person. And it's not easy when you are picky and don't like to date. However, being hostile towards me over my CHOICE to be alone for now is not going to make me run out and find someone. Chill out. All anyone is doing when they are asking me these asinine questions is PISSING me off. Rrrrr, and I hate being pissed off. Why is it such a big deal? Why are people frustrated with me for being single?

I don't think I'll ever know the answer. I may find someone eventually. Or maybe I won't. It's up to me to certain extent whether I can make it happen or not (I say certain extent because you can't force someone to be with you). Yes, I want a boyfriend, and yes I do not want to spend eternity alone. But I'm going to find someone the way I want to find them and in the time frame that I feel is appropriate for me. 

So please, get off of my back. Please let me live my life the way I want to live my life. I make efforts not to dictate to people how they should live theirs, so why can't people do that for me?

Ok... I'm about to get off of my soapbox. I just don't enjoy being needled about being alone. People act like being single is the worst thing in the world, and it's not. I enjoy coming home to an empty apartment where I can run around naked and sing Britney Spears songs in my living room loudly and out of tune. I like not having someone to answer to every time I go out. And I like my peace and quiet. It's refreshing.

But perhaps one day I'll come home, and someone (other than Sam) will be on the other side of the door to greet me when I come in. I do look forward to the day when that happens (hopefully it happens!). And not just any man will greet me at the door - the RIGHT man will be greeting me at the door. And I'm willing to take my time, live my life and wait for that right person.

So please don't worry about me. Please keep your hostility over my singledom to yourself. And please just know that even though I long to meet the love of my life, I'll be ok, even if I don't meet him. 

PS - There's one other reason I left out in why I am single. I rarely get asked out. I've never had a lot of suitors come my way. I've gone years without being asked out on a date, and I was 27 years old the last time someone asked me out on one. I did however have a friend set me up on a blind date when I was 29, and I thought that it went well... but I never heard from the guy again. So it's been awhile. There's more to the story in why I have been dateless for the last 6 1/2 years, but that's another story for another day...

PPS - I've never been on a second date with anyone. Ever.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Summer Time!


YAY! Summer is almost here. It's my favorite time of year. Time to break out the bikinis, the flip flops and the shorts. Oh. So great.

Anyhoo... the arrival of summer time means that it's almost time for me to start my travels! Atlanta is first up on the itinerary. Even though I've been there many times before, I'm just excited to get out of Washington, DC. I feel like I've been cooped up in this city for too long, and I need to get out and see the world. Whoohoo!

Other than that, life is rolling along, as usual. Unfortunately, I've been lazy with my writing. I'm over 10,000 words, but I feel like I've had writer's block for the last few months. Colton has been taking a look back over his life for far too many pages now. I've got to get him up and running again.

One of the other things I like about summer time is the busy summer movie season. There aren't too too many films I'm looking forward to this summer, but I'm interested in seeing Maleficient, 22 Jump Street (can't wait), The Expendables 3 (yeah buddy) and Lucy, starring Scarlett Johansson. That movie looks like it's going to be really cool.

One film that has been getting good buzz is Neighbors, starring Seth Rogen and Zac Efron. Zac Efron, while he isn't like, my crush (that would be my dear Cumby, for all of you that don't know), I actually like really like him. There's something about him that's pretty endearing and likeable. I highly recommend that if anyone is curious about his likeability, rent 17 Again. It's a good movie, and he does a good job being ever so cute in it.

Here's the trailer for Neighbors... anyone want to come see it with me???



PS - I finally applied for my passport! 4 more months until I invade the U.K. The Brits can't handle me :)