Everybody needs a good cry

I must admit - I don't like to cry. Crying to me is a sign of weakness, and I don't want people to ever think that I'm weak. I like to think that I am a very strong person; that I'm tough and that I can handle anything. And I want everyone to think that about me (me strong, yar!). However, sometimes things happen that can reduce us to a pile of tears. Sometimes emotions build up, get the best of us, overwhelm us, and sometimes we just have to let the flood gates open.

That happened to me today. My cultural studies class has really been stressing me out, due to the fact that I feel as if I don't understand the weekly readings. I really don't want my teacher to call on me in class because I'm afraid that I won't be able to answer any questions correctly about the assignments that he has for me (and I don't want to look foolish in front of everyone). Not to mention, I have this essay due on Friday on top of having to read close to 100 pages of stuff on ideology that's not written in easy English. Talk about stress.

I'm still trying to balance my hormones (and I'm not supposed to be stressed because that helps them go out of whack) and I'm trying to deal with another person once again departing out of my life (someone that after years of not getting along with I finally this year start doing so, and now he's moving on).... ugh. The tipping point was when I heard about something that happened concerning work stuff today that upset me (can't go into details, you know how it is). That kind of put me over the edge today. So I went to my mom's house on my lunch break and let the waterworks flow.

The good thing about crying is that you release some of the feelings and stress that you are holding onto. I think all of this stress has been building up inside of me for quite sometime, and after I finished crying, I felt a lot better. Still a little stressed and sad, but not as much as before.

Of course, the sun will shine again sooner or later, but today a dark cloud of stress rained in on my parade. I'm looking forward to this week being over so I can try and refocus on the things that are important (and so I can stop waiting until the week to do my school readings - I have to start doing them on the weekend). The funny thing is is that now that I finally have some things going on in my life and I'm busy more often, I don't want to be busy and stressed! I want it to all go away! Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Sometimes, I wish that that crap could be brown so that I wouldn't be envious.

I'm stressed about some other minor things that go along with the previously mentioned stressors as well. Life is so complicated. On some level, I wish that it could be easier, but I guess these are the things that make us stronger and a little bit more resilient (hopefully). I'm just hoping that this freakishly crazy time will pass soon, because I could really use the break!

PS - Don't tell anyone that I cried. I have a reputation to uphold!