Think more, worry less

This needs to be the prominent theme in my life right now. I worry waaaaaay too much.

Lately, I've been worrying about being a complete and total failure, which ironically even after receiving a Master's degree after 3 years of long, hard work, is how I feel. I know, it's ridiculous to feel that way, but after a string of failed friendships recently and a bit of a fight with one friend, that's how I feel right now.

Actually, I've been feeling that way for the last three months. Not all relationships are meant to last, but the ones that you've had for a long time feel like they shouldn't just up and fall apart, which is what I feel like happened with me. I know I did a few things wrong in these relationships, but it feels like it's not fair that the relationships ended so abruptly and suddenly. It's interesting though because there are many relationships in life that end this way, be it through someone just abruptly walking away or just someone suddenly dying. This kind of thing happens quite often, actually. And it seems so unfair! But it happens.

I don't think I've really dealt with the losses of these recently failed relationships fully. I think I put my feelings on the back burner because I was in school. And now that I'm out, it's all starting to hit me. Perhaps if I just take a second and breathe, I'll feel a little better. I don't know. Time heals all wounds, I guess, and maybe by the end of the year, I'll be in a better place about everything that has happened.

I've been worrying because I keep thinking that I won't make any new friends. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I shouldn't worry about that (it's kind of hard, since it's in my Virgoan nature to worry). I don't want to be friendless! But I also don't want to be friends with people who aren't worth it or drag out a relationship long after it's due date. Rrrrr. I also don't want to be alone. Rrrrr. But being by yourself isn't that awful, is it?

I just need to think, hence the title of the post. When I think (meaning rationalizing my thoughts with logic, because believe it or not, I don't do that all of the time), I calm down, and I feel better. When I think, I start to realize that it's not the end of the world, and not everything is meant to last. It's hard though.

Think think think... that's my M.O. for the next few months. Maybe I need to put a note up in my car or apartment somewhere to remind myself!