So... do you have a boyfriend?

Out of all of the questions in life that I hate being asked, this has to be number one. "Do you have a boyfriend?" someone will ask. And then I give the reply that I've been giving EVERYONE since my ex-boyfriend Dominic and I broke up right before high school graduation. "Of course not."

Then, the inevitable questions follow. "Why not?" "Are you dating?" "Why haven't you gone on Match.com?" "When are you going to meet someone?" "Seriously, why are you SINGLE???????"

I could go on and on. Yes, it's true. I haven't had an actual boyfriend since I was 17 years old. I have tried, and tried and tried to put myself out there, look cute, wear heels, and smile for the masses of guys that I have encountered since then. And, of course, the results have always been the same: no boyfriend.

Now, I have dated a few guys. And all of those relationships turned out Disaterous with a capital D. I don't know if it's just bad luck or what, but most of the guys I have liked have had racist parents (forcing them to run away fast in the other direction), were crushing on someone else at the time or liked me and would just simply not ask me out. That last one seems to happen to me the most frequent.

I have had two great loves in my life. I knew that both of these guys really liked me. Even my friends and their friends and their parents and the whole world for that matter knew that both of these guys really liked me. They flirted with me, drove me around in their cars, bought me food, laughed and joked with me... the whole nine yards. Yet they never asked me out. They never wanted me to be their girlfriend. Actually, they both tended to ask me to hang out with them when their girlfriends were "busy" (another story for another day). I guess the only thing that I could be in their book was "the other woman", a thankless title and position that I knew I was better than. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye as a result. It hurt like hell. And I cried a lot. But I moved on. Sort of.

The best (and longest) relationship I ever had was with a guy named John, who I dated for a few months back in 2005. The relationship lasted 3 months. Yeah. That's how long my relationships last. He was a good guy. A bit of a depressed drunk, but a good guy. We always had good, lively conversations. He bought me 4 martinis once. We both liked to read. And we both liked movies. And that's where the things we had in common stopped. I think he's currently married to the girl he dated right after me. Just my luck.

I've never been lucky in love. Perhaps it's because I'm a black female dating mostly white guys in a world where that's mostly frowned upon. Most guys don't want to deal with the discrimination and rejection that they would have to put up with dating someone who isn't white, or who wouldn't be culturally more accepted, like an Asian or Hispanic woman. Or maybe it's because I'm intimidating. I am smart. I have my own money. I have a Master's degree and a good job. And I don't take crap from anyone, especially a man.

Or maybe it's because I'm looking in the wrong places. Or maybe it's because after all of this time, all of this rejection and all of this wasted effort, I'm just tired of looking.

Being single isn't the end of the world. It's funny because most people think that it is. I feel like people judge me and feel sorry for me because I'm 33 and single. I don't really care. I'm thinking that most people who feel that way are miserably married anyway. There's more to life than being in a relationship.

Interestingly enough,  I do want someone. But after all of the heartache and disappointment, I just don't want to try. Getting rejected time after time takes a toll on a person. And after 16 years of rejection, I've kind of thrown in the towel.

I wish that people would stop asking me if I have a boyfriend. Not because I have an issue with not having a boyfriend, but because I have an issue with other people having an issue with me not having a boyfriend. Who cares if I'm single?!?!?!? Why can't someone just want to be alone? Or at least alone for now? Rrrrr. Go away.

And please stop asking me to try online dating. IT'S DISGUSTING, that's why I don't do it (in my opinion... I do not judge others for dating people online). I'd rather be shot in the head than meet someone on PlentyofFish.com.

I'm fine for now being alone. I wish people could not only understand that, but actually believe that.