Lonely?

Some days I feel lonely. Other days I don't.

What is loneliness really?

Wikipedia describes it as "a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connectedness or communality with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people."

Hmmm. I guess I feel that way sometimes.

Lately, even though I've been happy that I'm currently living a life of no drama and no depression due to the end of a crazy work situation, I guess I'm feeling a little lonely and unfulfilled. Ha ha ha... it's funny that when you have drama in your life, it seems as if there is something going on that takes the focus off of the other issues that you were dealing with before all of that craziness came to an end. And now that it's over... all of the feelings that I had prior to such dysfunction are now rising back to importance.

I think my loneliness is attributed to the fact that I'm easily bored and constantly crave stimulation. Also, I have a strong desire to be around people more often than not. Perhaps I need to find a hobby where I'm interacting with others more when I have free time.

Actually, one of the reasons why I held a part time job on top of my full time one for several years was to keep me busy in my free time. Interestingly enough, working for $7 an hour a Barnes and Noble kept my interest and kept me around people constantly, even though I hated making such little money and working my ass off to do that (gosh, if it's not one thing with me, it's always something else). It's interesting - I hate not being around people, but if I have to be around people and work my tail off for such little money, I hate that too. Go figure.

I'm still trying to work on writing and picking up more and more books to read in my spare time. I had for many years gotten so far out of the habit of doing such things that it's taking a lot of energy to get back into it. But I have to. The dark period in my life is now officially over. It's time to start anew and move forward with the goals and dreams that I made for myself in the last month or so. It's not the end of the world to be lonely, but I kind of wish that I could completely ignore these feelings and just function. But I guess that's part of being a human being, right?

The absence of not having a boyfriend weighs on me too sometimes. But I know that I'm alone for a reason - I'm waiting for the right person to come along. It would be so easy just to go out and get involved in a meaningless relationship or have meaningless sex just so I could feel a little better about everything, but I don't see the point. If I don't like you or see a future between us, why would I waste my time? 

Not to mention, I'm extremely picky on top of it. No, I can wait. Sometimes waiting sucks, but to me getting involved with someone who isn't worth it is a far worse fate. I can't think of anything else that's a bigger time waster and would be a complete drag on top of it.

Anyhoo... for now, I'm working on getting myself back together and squashing these lonely feelings with a good book, some exercise and working on writing my novel. I just have to remember that when I get down on myself about being alone and feeling lonely, that 1) I'm not the only one who feels this way 2) making dreams come true takes time and you may walk a bit of a lonely road to get there and 3) you won't feel like this forever. 

Hopefully I didn't ramble too much here (sometimes my thoughts get jumbled up, but you get the jist). Ok. Off to work on enhancing my life and squelching my loneliness...